Random jottings...

I saw a perfect rainbow yesterday. Actually, two. A graceful semi circle straddling half the sky. And the contrast with the place became all the more stark. Almost so that the difference is reinforced, it is a beautiful day today. But in here, all one can perceive is how gloomy it is, with no sun and a stupid rain.

I am actually in a rather difficult situation. My life, much like the Indian cricket team, looks awesome on paper, but the ground realities as I see them from here cannot be in a bigger contrast. The difference is, of course, that the Indian cricket team’s is a book open for the world to read, and I am my own author, publisher, critic, and audience. People around me seem to have a much better consonance, or at any rate, the only way one can go is above (for some of them). While the reverse does not universally hold, it seems to be happening at a pretty alarming frequency for me. Pretty sad, huh?

I must confess that my motivation for coming here was to get away from a career, rather than to make one. Four months it has been, and hard as I try, I find it difficult to convince myself of the latter. Term II is already a month old. Mid-sems begin tomorrow, and I have zero enthu towards studying for them. The wagon that will carry some of us for a summer ride will arrive in a week’s time, and I feel so under-prepared. On paper, everything is hunky-dory and yet, I seem to be missing the confidence to believe it. The hunky-doriness on paper, of course, puts the possibility of trying to communicate to others that everything-isn’t-quite-right, quite a fruitless exercise. And communication never was my forte to begin with.

It has started raining again! What the hell is wrong with this place ?