me again. WHY?

This has happened.

Yet again.

Only this time it hit me in the most violent, unimaginably cruel way.
Again, I m disappointed. I have been punished for vesting hope. Although I don’t suppose I have any right whatsoever to redress, because everything is far beyond my purview, but what the hell, can’t a person be disappointed?

Shit, shit, shit. It is difficult to believe that crap of paper. Difficult to write down how my head was reeling after reading it. But then, that was then, an hr ago. Now I guess I m fine, and have yet again been proved right.

I DON’T FRIKKIN’ NEED YA FOR MY SURVIVAL. I don’t care whether u rot in hell or screw in some damned corner. I m free, please, please, please, I want to be free. Why the hell am I so vulnerable? Probably this is not enough, I have to steel myself even more. If my fortress would give away every now and then, I don’t suppose I have the rights to harbour such thoughts.